Blow My Whistle
by Nightcrawler3
Summary: Kurt is stumped by the meaning of the lyrics of


I don't own the X-Men, new or old.  
  
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"Blow my whistle bitch,  
  
Blow my whistle bitch,  
  
Open up and put it in."  
  
  
  
Kurt was dancing around, singing along to his current favourite song when he heard a knock at the door.  
  
"Kurt, will you turn that down?" it was Rogues voice, "Ah'm trying to study for a test ya know"  
  
Kurt obliged and ported over to his stereo, turning the volume down by the tiniest fraction possible. He grinned and waited for the usual reaction.  
  
"KURT! TURN IT DOWN NOW!"  
  
From outside Kurt's bedroom, Rogue heard the music cut off mid-song. 'That's better' she thought, 'Maybe now ah can actually pass this test.'  
  
Inside Kurt's room, however, it was a different story.  
  
"Kitty, I was listening to that. Turn it back on" Kurt wanted to just move Kitty out of his way, but he was afraid he might hurt her. "Come on, please? I promise I'll have it really quiet. I'll put my headphones on!"  
  
Kitty was obviously not going to put it back on; she took out the CD and broke it in half.  
  
"WAAAHHH! What did you do that for?" Kurt shouted at her.  
  
"I don't like that song, it's demeaning to women. Do you, like, even know what it means?" Kitty demanded.  
  
"Yeah, I'm not stupid Kitty" Kurt replied, "It means blow his whistle. Although there's no need to swear, I suppose."  
  
Kitty stared at him for a moment, as if trying to work something out, "Are you serious?" she said after a while. "Cos, like, everyone in the whole world knows he's talking about a, you know…" she trailed off, clearly embarrassed. Then she blurted out, "Ask Evan", and ran out of the room through the wall.  
  
Kurt did as Kitty had suggested and ported to Evan's room.  
  
The usual smell of brimstone heralded Kurt's arrival and Evan let out a sigh, not really caring about what the fuzzball wanted this time. He was too busy playing his PS2.  
  
"Evan, what do the words to blow…" Kurt started.  
  
"Can't talk, playing." Evan snapped, losing his concentration, and the game.  
  
"Arrrgghhh! Kurt, whatever it is, go ask Scott" Evan shouted.  
  
Kurt, with one last sad look, ported away to go see Scott, who was working on his car. Again.  
  
"Scott…?"  
  
There was a loud metallic ringing sound as Scott smashed his head on the exhaust pipe. "OWW! Kurt, you should wait until I'm finished with the car before you port in here and start shouting." Scott said angrily, "I could've blew my car to pieces."  
  
"But I wasn't shou…" Kurt stopped mid-sentence after seeing the look Scott was giving him (which for reasons concerning ratings, can not be described here).  
  
"Go. Ask. Jean. NOW!" Scott screamed at Kurt.  
  
Kurt even more depressed than before, decided to walk to Jeans room.  
  
When he got there he knocked on the door politely. "Jean? Are you in there?"  
  
Hearing no answer, he ported in, suspecting she may have overslept again. Once inside he got the shock of his life. Jean was lying on her bed, half in a trance, playing with herself. But when she heard the familiar 'BAMF', her eyes snapped open and she shrieked. "KURRTT! YOU PERVERT! GET OUT OF HERE NOW!"  
  
Kurt ported as quickly as he could.  
  
A few minutes later, after recovery from the unexpected sight, he racked his brains trying to think of who would know what the words meant.  
  
Kitty was too embarrassed, Evan was too distracted, Scott was too angry, and Jean was… 'pre-occupied'.  
  
'Ahaa' Kurt thought, 'Logan will know.'  
  
He instantly ported himself to just outside Logan's bedroom door. However, when he appeared, he heard both Logan's and Ororo's voices coming from inside, and they didn't sound like they were having a normal conversation. Kurt decided not to disturb them (a wise choice), and wondered who he could ask. His mind wandered across the idea of asking one of the newbies, and he ported to the grounds, where they were practicing using their powers against the institute's defence system.  
  
"SAM! LOOKOUT, BEHIND YOU!" This was Amara. Sam dodged and she shot out a giant flame, which melted the razor-edged disc that had been spinning toward Sam's neck.  
  
At the same time Kurt had appeared, right behind Sam. He screamed as he dodged a wall of flame that singed the fur on his back.  
  
"KURT! What are you doin' here?" Ray asked as he watched a laser turret carefully. It suddenly began firing at him and he concentrated on avoiding every shot whilst he fried it. Kurt, to whom this was an everyday occurrence dodged each shot absent-mindedly and asked, "I was just wondering if any of you know what the words to Blow My Whistle mean. Do you?"  
  
"Computer, End Training Program 5." Ray commanded, trying to keep a straight face. All of a sudden he burst out laughing, as did the others who had been listening. "WHAT!? You don't know what it means? That is so funny!" this was Rahne. Who was halfway between wolf and human and looked funny in her own way.  
  
Not able to stand up to the humiliation, Kurt ported away, after starting up the training program, which caught the others by surprise.  
  
In his bedroom, Kurt moped around until the professor's voice popped into his head, "Kurt, will you please report to my office."  
  
Kurt ported there immediately and was told to sit down.  
  
"Well, Kurt. So far you've managed to make Kitty so embarrassed she is now staying in her room, permanently, Evan has impaled the Playstation to the ceiling, 10 times over, Scott has minor concussion and the worst temper ever, Jean is constantly paranoid thinking everyone knows her 'little secret', and the new students were almost killed. What do you have to say for yourself?"  
  
Kurt stuttered for a moment, wondering how to phrase his question, "Uh… I just wanted to know what the words to 'Blow My Whistle' mean."  
  
The professor looked amazed, he obviously hadn't thought to search Kurt's mind.  
  
"After all that's happened, that was it?" he said, "Kurt, even I know it's talking about a blowjob."  
  
Kurt was mystified, "What's a blowjob?" he asked.  
  
The professor was caught out by this, "Um… Well… it's when… um… Go ask someone else" he uttered quickly.  
  
Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes, "Oh No, not again!" 


End file.
